please don't hate me when im no longer myself
by kcctaiga
Summary: [one shot] it all had to come out, i just never thought it would be this painful- Leonard "Epsilon" Church


everything was cold, it was the middle of summer but he was still cold jazz said it was because he hand an ice core but on the inside i knew it was something else entirely. iv'e always knew on some level but i didn't want to believe it or rather i refused to believe it because i didn't want it to be true. fate however has a way of disillusioning us of the veils we bring up to protect ourselves from reality.

let me go back just a bit, not far just earlier today should be far enough, just to when i learned that they all knew.

i was going to surprise jazz because she thought she was going to come home unannounced from college and get the drop on me but i found out and she was going to be the one surprised. early that morning i set out for her college, it wasn't far and i can fly, i found her dorm room and as luck would have it she was out, probably at breakfast with some friends.

i decided to wait for her as her computer was still on the desk, she'd never leave without it. bored i decided to go onto her computer, i thought i'd do something funny like change her Facebook status or something but i never got that far. she had left fifteen tabs open, who does that seriously she even had a word document open in the background. i was going to close the tabs but then the title caught my eye.

"chronic sub zero body temperature" it was a Google search, nothing promising all of the search material seemed unrelated as it couldn't put all those features together. i closed it, next.

"within the blood, a study of paranormal entities" i raised an eyebrow, okay that's oddly specific so i decided to keep reading.

"there are four major categories of paranormal entities, the first are known as the great hunters this encompasses werewolves, vampires and their offshoot families such as Nosferatu (see section 1-A). typically predatory in nature despite being portrayed as romantic in modern media"

jazz believed in werewolves and vampires? i mean i'd seen one but technically it was a ghost so it didn't really count, maybe i could use this to torment her by making fun of twilight, a book she swore she'd never read, so i decided to keep reading.

"the second major family are known as dredges, it's a common surname for many types of undead from zombies, hollows, and even the alleged black army(see section 4-B). members of the dredge family are known to congregate in masses to overwhelm their victims with sheer numbers, while incapable of intelligent thought they do have the capacity for a hive mind like structure which is one possible reason they tend to move in herds. this also technically includes the sub family of demons as they do not have the ability to materialize in this world of their own volition"

great, zombies, just what i needed in my life, i really hope that jazz never takes this seriously, next thing you know we'll be on "doom's day preppers" as if my parents floating sky fortress wasn't enough.

"the third family of paranormal entities is known as keepers, they are generally helpful if very illusive, these are mythological creatures that show up in legend such as centaurs and satyrs whose purpose is generally to provide assistance to humans in need"

and now we're in the realm of fairy tales, real great jazz you deny ghosts for years despite the fact they attack on a nearly daily basis but as soon as someone writes a blog about Disney stuff and you're in the clouds great, only one more paragraph, might as well, if nothing else it's leverage to use against her if i ever need it.

"the fourth and final category of paranormal entity is the spiritus family, this includes poltergeists, shades and ghosts" wait what? "their are no known common traits between the family's members other than the lack of a physical body (see section 9-D)"

i clicked on the hyperlink to the section and began reading "the most common features of the members of the spiritus family are

1\. the lack of a physical body (the defining trait of the family)

-the lack of a physical body is the only required trait to be a member of this family

2\. lowering of temperature in surrounding areas

-while common it is not unheard of for members of this family to actually raise the temperature or not affect it at all.

3\. all of these are separate from the other families as they were once a person

an excerpt from Dr. Drew Saturday's secrets of the earth "it has been the findings of the paranormal scientific community, that the phenomenon known as "spirits" are a form a sympathetic ectoplasmic energy. this energy takes the form of human beings due to the Anthropic principle, the specific details of the process are unknown but it can be surmised that the electromagnetic beta waves of the brain exert influence upon the ambient energy around it when in extreme distress as a method of protecting it's existence. it is unadvised to make the entity aware of the fact that it does not actually exist as the energy could become unstable."

I closed the laptop and got up, and was reeling as shock began to set in and before he could wrap his mind around what this meant jazz opened. I looked at her then to the laptop then I disappeared as he flew away, the draft causing things in the room to be thrown asunder.

"what the hell was that about" she shouted before walking over to her computer. she looked at it for a second and her eyes shot wide open "no" she said pulling out her phone to call Danny. no answer "dammit Danny, answer your phone"

and that pretty much brings us to now, where i'm sitting on top of a building questioning weather i exist or not. half ghost, yeah right, there's no such thing as being half dead, you're dead or you're alive, i knew i couldn't be both so i started counting the reasons in his head.

1\. i can't be dead because i can still retain my human form, but then again ghost's can change their form at will like spectra.

2\. i can't be dead because... because... because nothing.

3\. i can phase through solid objects, humans cannot.

4\. i might be dead i can fly, humans cannot.

5\. i'm probably i can be nearly destroyed and survive mortal injuries, humans cannot.

6\. i am dead because i died in the lab after being electrocuted.

i pulled out my phone, or rather his phone it was never mine to begin with, i'm just a memory of him, i sent a text and dropped the phone.

the neither the ghost boy nor Danny Fenton were ever seen again, his last act of preserving the memory of what he once was consisted of only two words sent to one person.

jazz looked at her phone after a long day of searching frantically for Danny to try and explain and what she saw broke her heart, just two word "remember me". jazz broke down in tears on the sidewalk, she had killed her baby brother.

**[author's note: hello my wonderful peoples, just thought i would write a quick something to tide you over while i continue to work on the third arc of broken and blood stained, on that topic the final arc starts Thursday April 16, just so ya know and stuff. okay bai**


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